Beautiful Alone
by aomurasakiai
Summary: [{(COMPLETE)}] The most difficult decision... would you kill someone you love to rid them of pain? +Songfic+


Author:  aomurasakiai

Warnings:  DEATH FIC, Angst, Heero POV

Pairings:  1+2 / 2+1

Spoilers:  None

Rating:  PG

Dedication:  To Amazon and all those who enter this contest!  I wish you all the best of luck!!

Song: "Beautiful Alone" from Weiss Kreuz

Line Challenge:  "And he/she picked up the sword, which weighed as much as his/her heart/soul..."  
Songfic Notes:

[romaji song lyrics]  
(english translation)

Beautiful Alone [Part 01 of 01]

*Entered in Amazon's March Line-Challenge Contest*

[toge no aru kotoba dake]  
(To every life, there's always an end,)

Even the vibrant light of one, snuffed out by my own hands.

I look up towards the casket, where a lifeless body lies within.

The body of my only love.

[konno machi wa utsushiteru itsumo]  
(But I close my eyes, I still see your face; beautiful...)

Always beautiful.

Long, flowing chestnut hair covering me like so many feathers... thin, soft lips whispering eternal words of love... large amethyst eyes succumbing to slumber...

Beautiful.  My love.

[meguriau hito ga nagareru]  
(And I throw a rose as they now lower you down)

Down into the earth.  Never to see light again.

I hope the red flower will remind you of the love I've had and will always have.

Shovels of dirt... knocking the rose off... covering the casket... burying you forever...

[shinjitara kuzureso]  
(But I still believe I'll see you again)

It may be silly to believe such a thing, but it can happen.

One can hope...

Long after everyone left, I still remain next to the grave.

[fuandake dakishimeru hibiyo]  
(I wait for the day that I can once more hold you tight)

To have you in my arms one more time.

Just one more time.

To hold you close, to never let go...

[moshimo kokoni anata ga]  
(Until then, I can't cry this pain away)

Tears well up in my eyes.  I squeeze them shut; I will not let them fall.  But they do anyway.  One by one until continuous lines run down my cheeks.

Hot streams flow faster and faster.

I cover my mouth, stifling the anguished cry of pain.

Pain that will forever reside in my heart...

[itara hanasanai noni]  
(Until then, memories are all I have...)

*Flash*  *smiles*  "I've been waiting for you.  Come on."

*Flash*  "Just a bit further.  Hurry up or we'll miss it."

*Flash*  "Isn't it beautiful?"

*Flash*  *soft sigh*  "I'm glad you're with me..."

[tokeino otoni oikakeraru]  
(How I long for one more kiss, just to hold you once again)

*Flash*  "What is it?"

*Flash*  *kiss*  "Am I really?"

*Flash*  "Can we stay like this... a little longer?"

[wasurerukotode kyoo no hi o  
boku wa ikiteiruyo]

(How I long to hear you say "our love's eternal, never will I leave from by  
your side...")

*Flash*  "Of course I love you.  That's for eternity."

*Flash*  "I will never leave you.  I promise..."

[anata tto bokutono sabishisa o]  
(I go my way, I journey on, now 'til forever)

Hours pass until I finally leave the grave.  My tears have stopped, dry tracks still visible on my face.  Possessing strength that I never thought I had, I walk away from the lonely cemetery where my heart now resides.

Away to someplace special...  to both me and you.

[kasaneru yoni shite kuchizukeru]  
(With the memory of our last kiss to keep me going)

It was...  right before I...  Closing my eyes, I try to block the painful memory from entering my mind.

The last time you'll ever look at me... the last time you'll ever smile at me... the last time you'll ever whisper loving words to me...  the last time you'll ever kiss me...

I walk on.

Never looking back.

[futariga itameta kizuatoga]  
(And though I am alone again, I shed not a tear)

On and on until I reach the secluded mountain top.  So quiet.  All that brought this place life is buried with you.

Never again will this place shine like it used to.

I won't cry.  I can't cry.

Tears long gone.

[utsukushii wakare o tsugeru daro]  
(How beautiful is my loneliness, how great is my pain...)

With a heavy heart, I finally notice the soft blazing sun descending behind the other mountains, casting long shadows mixed with the fiery colors of red, orange, and yellow upon the jagged walls.

Beautiful...

The first time you shared this with me, you said the same thing.  But I said, "You are more beautiful than the sunset will ever be..."

Sitting against the mountain's wall, memories continue to wash over me.

Painful...

[nayamashi yoru dakega]  
(As the night skies arrive, the heartache begins)

Hurts more and more with every memory...

The air grows chilly.  I shiver without your warmth.

The night has come.

I continue to stay awake long after the stars reveal themselves in the behind the clouds in the sky.

I dare not fall asleep just yet...

[ai no kage shiite iru kitto]

(For in every dream, the image of you lingers still)

It's you...  reaching out to me...  smiling...

"Come with me..."

I extend my hand as well...  running towards you...  panting...

Almost there...  so close...

Passing...

Falling...

I snap awake.

[michi kakeru tsuki o samayo]  
(So I walk alone, sleepless, guided by the moon)

Eluding sleep and those dreams, I make my way down the mountain by the light of the moon.....  Alone.

The moon... so luminous.  Just like you, gleaming in the darkness, always giving light to everything around...

I continue down, tripping on stray rocks, uncaring about the bruises and cuts appearing almost instantly on my skin.

The essence of my life...  trickling away with every step...

[eien ga owattara]  
(I know I'll give to eternal sleep)

Fatigue threatens to claim me as I near the bottom.

All I want is sleep.

Perhaps I can...  one day...  to see you again...  to hold you again...

[munashisani tsutsumaru sotto]  
(And when that day comes, I'll never again let you go)

Never ever...

That's a promise.

Stumbling forth, I didn't notice the dark clouds opening up to give way for the drizzly mist.  Nor did I notice as the fine sprinkling change into a steady downpour.

Nor did I notice the water washing away the red trails behind me...

[sorani kieru tsubame o tsubasa boku ni attara]  
(I'll pretend that I'm not about to cry)

Continuously, the rain drips from me to land on the ground.

Like how my life drips from me...  
  


Forgotten tears return, bubbling up in my eyes.

But I smile.

  
  


(I'll pretend that these tears are only rain)

Mixing with the rain...

I'll see you again real soon.  I can feel it.

Stumbling, I make my way into the rundown shelter where your last breath still lingers.

Where I took your life.

[shizuka na ameni yasashiku nureru]  
(As I lie awake at night, listening to this quiet rain)

I climb into the bed where you spent your last minutes.

Soft pitter patter...  Almost lulling me to sleep but I won't.

Not yet...

[nanika o motome sonno kawari  
boku wa ai o nakusu]  
(As I bow my head in prayer, my wish is that this burning emptiness inside  
would heal...)

FLASHBACK

"What do you mean?!" the boy with colbalt eyes exclaimed.

"I'm really sorry..." the doctor replied.  "It... can't be helped.  The mutation is too great.  The cure won't work."

"But you have to...  it has to!!"

"It...  it might cause aggravation and become even worse."

"There must be another way...  I...  I can't..."

"There is no other way...  he will suffer as it destroys him from the inside.  And that can take hours..."

The boy looked at his lover on the bed.  Biting his lip, he knelt down and gently brushed back the sweaty chestnut bangs.  Heavy amethyst eyes opened.

"I can't do this...  I can't do this to you."  The other smiled.

"I would... rather... it be done... by you..."

"But, I can't."

"I trust you..."  One last kiss to pale lips.  Eyes closed again.

"There...  is no other way...?" he whispered.

"The choice is yours and yours alone." the doctor said softly, placing a sheathed blade on the table before leaving.

The boy looked at the blade, then at the one he loved, then back again.

His jaw tightened...

He got up...

*And he picked up the sword, which weighed as much as his heart...*

Swiftly...

No sound... but increasing sobbing...

END FLASHBACK

[anata tto boku tto no kannashimi o]  
(I close my eyes, I turn around, and go on my way)

Walking out of the shelter into the diminishing rain, I leave the memories behind.

I no longer need them.

[itawari auyoni dakishimeru]  
(With the dream that somewhere out there, love, you wait for me, too)

Swaying... dizzy...

Wait for me.

Collapsing... hurt...

[futari ga kizuita omoide ga]  
(And though I am alone again, I shed not a tear)

Crawling... closer...

I won't cry.  I will make it to you.

I'll be with you...

[utsukushii kodoku o egakudaro]  
(How beautiful is my loneliness, how great is my pain)

Trickling... dripping on the floor...

[anata tto bokutono sabishisa o]  
(I go my way, I journey on, now 'til forever)

Dragging... slowly...

[kasaneru yoni shite kuchizukeru]  
(With the memory of our last kiss to keep me going)

So close...

[futariga itameta kizuatoga]  
(And though I am alone again, I shed not a tear)

I touch the gravestone bearing your name.

I smile.

[utsukushii wakare o tsugeru daro]  
(How beautiful is my loneliness, how great is my pain...)

A red petal... floating to me.  Reaching out to catch it, I hold it close.

And I sleep...

Owari


End file.
